Why oh why do I subject myself to this kind of rubbish. I must be bored or something.
Bored enough to waist my time watching over two hours of stunning visuals with a simple straightforward storyline Good Guys win, imprison bad guys, bad guys regain strength, free boss, rebuild army with MMMHMM good smile.
Well maybe for 9 yr olds on a Summer camp field trip but not in my backyard.
Action is ok if it is part of a well balanced movie diet with likable characters put in various situations throughout the movie. Yes, the Joe's were limited in strength and numbers in this one but it wasn't enough to phase them and that became a problem for me.
After the disappoint of its previous film GI JOE: Rise of the Cobra another reboot GI Joe Retaliation was
put in its place.
By cutting down the cast of previous stars to turn this into another Rock-Slama Jama sensation the Executives think they were on the right path.
However, it's just another Rock movie.
He spends most of his time flexing muscles, huffing and puffing, raising his eye brow, turning that SOB up sideways and sticking it straight up Cobra's Monkey Ass for the whole US of F'ing A!
That's only if you smell what the Rock is cooking!
Well honestly I've smelled what he's cooking now and doesn't even come close to his WWF days.
Plus the disappearance of Channing Tatun left me wondering where the hell he went. He disappeared
right off the screenwriters page whose missing presence would have added more character dynamic to
the remaining GI Joe Squadron. Apparently his disappearance was relating to his recent rise to stardom
that many last-minute re-shoots of his scenes were pushed back from June 2012 to March 2013. His appearances only add filled to the story and nothing more.
Honestly the storyline is about as a reminiscent of the Superfriends cartoons vs the Legion of Doom
of the 1970s
or even Austin Powers for that matter.
Now, Cobra Commander like Simon Phoenix from Demolition Man has busted out of his Cryo-Cell and is back and as cranky as ever with plans for more World Domination Power HOO HOOO!
The plot involves the most diabolical but yet predictable device of all mankind. YES A SATELLITE DEVICE with friggn laser beams attached to is friggin-head setting its sight on any damn thing it well pleases.
In order to do that he's must lay the seeds of foundation for the re-birth of Cobra putting in a pawn in his place to be the bitch that does his dirty work and that bitch is Zartan.
Zartan's first executive order of business frame the Joe's , make them responsible for Cobra's release, and meddling with Nuclear weapons of mass destruction.
GI Joe's as outlaws huh? Hmm, funny considering the fact that Rock and the rest of the Nation of Domination were walking along and hiding out in the streets of Capital City just fine without any fear of ducking away from the American public.
Yeah those are some dangerous war criminals or maybe they didn't give the Cable Networks notable journalists top billing in this movie to send out the message. Honestly , I didn't get ithat? Did you?
Director Jon M Chu plays a huge part in this films disaster He comes into this huge Hollywood project on his hands with not so much of a strong action film resume. Most of his projects were either Musicals, TV series, or filming Justin Bieber music videos. This explains why many of the action scenes are badly choreographed lacking any suspension or tension. The movie all together has an uneven beginning due to Channing Tatum's whodini disappearance and way way too much exposition.
What can I say there is a market out there for these blow'em up, shoot'em up, Duke Nuke Em GOOD type brainless flicks. If you think too hard on this one shame on you for being a silly rabbit because these flicks are for kids.
FINAL RATING: 1/5
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