You can screw with his internal body in Crank and he keeps on a comin
You can pull out his heart in Crank 2 yet he keeps the fire burning mowing down any adversary that gets in his way
You can set him up, give him a crappy car, and increase the steak and odds against him like that in Death Race and he's still racing to the finish line.
In my opinion he's best described as our Blue Collar Action Hero.
A modern day Stone Cold Steve Austin if you will that stands up to authority who packs a wild punch and we give him a Hell Yeah at the end of the day.
We enjoy seeing him fight his way out of impossible situations from the minions on up to the final boss like he's some bad ass video game character come to life. This is what we like about his movies, that is what we expect of him.
Unfortunately for Parker it didn't live up to the hype of previous Jason Statham kick ass films.
The person to blame for this fastly action packed mess lies not with the Director but the Screenwriter and Author Donald E Westlake who writes under the pen name Richard Stark. See, the movie "Parker" is based on the 19, THE 19TH NOVEL ! of the Parker Series .
If you want my opinion , they are taking you for a foul or to be more politically correct your wallet. Over 46 years author Donald B Westlake has written 24 novels based on the thief Parker. two of which that have been adapted into movies such as Lee Marvin in Point Blank So if you think you're watching original material here you're sadly mistaken but then again what isn't a remake anymore.
or Mel Gibson in Payback.
Let's keep in mind for a second here that these two films are in a league of their own. These films focus more on the elaborate steps the antagonist or the anti-hero takes to retrieve his lost loot and we follow him every step of the way encountering low level soldiers, to middle men, to the head boss. They play out like a detective film on one sniffing for clues which makes us eager to find out more.
Their THIRD attempt was mere more of a way to re-launch the ever popular Parker series into the new millenium. Honestly, I don't know why they did not continue this tradition after Payback because I thought they had a good re-launch going
In this edition of Parker it plays nothing more than a typical B-Assed Action flick. I'd much rather wipe J-Lo's butt with it than add it to my home video collection .
I mean the first half of the movie is an utter mess with in-coherent dialogue that you don't know who anyone is nor their relation to one another. The screenwriter assumes "Hey you've seen this mob heist action flicks you figure it out!"
NO I don't want to figure it out that's why I pay you guys entertain me!
In 1999's Payback we get more of a glimpse into the life of Porter ( not called Parker for some reason in this edition but who are these ass clowns trying to fool anyway) con-man and thief where we see him flying in a dreary old Mob Doctor's office like an old aged slab of beef . We know somethings been done wrong to him but we don't know by who. So the next few minutes introduce us into a montage of events that display Porter's quick skill con tacts to obtain phony id and credit card fraud to obtain him with the simple amenities such as fine clothing, jewlery, and five star dining to get him back on his feet again. Then we flashback to undergo the sequence of events establish Porter's relationship to his criminal associate Val Resnick who screws him over in a heist gone wrong. So all we do for the remainder of the movie is follow the simple bread crumb of clues Porter finds that leads him back to what is so justly his.
NOW THAT"S how you put together a good heist story.
IN THIS Bang-tastic piece of trash 2013 version of Parker other than the fact that he's Jason Stattham, the name that carries a badge of kicking ass and taking names his skills aren't well established from the Parkers of the past. The one silly skill he pulls is able to change his name while sporting a Cowboy and talking in the most Hideous Texan accent.
For the love of Pete no more accents for you just stick to kung fu .
Half of the time Parker, a hunted man by the mob with a big WHOPPING contract on his head , is wandering around wide out in the open that makes him easy prey for the bad guys let alone the cops .
Hmm........looks like Parker has lost a step or two from his last two movies because he's a mere shadow of his former self here.
Honestly if you're going to grant Parker a strong female sidekick do it with some freaking pride with someone who compliments his style and personality. In Payback they did it brilliantly casting Deborah Kara Unger as Mrs Lynn Porter who was his lady waiting before screwing him over a deal
and Maria Bello who later becomes Porter's new flame and sidekick.
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These were tough ladies who could handle their own with the baddest of the bad who weren't afraid to back it up.
WHO DID THEY HAVE TO CHOOSE from all of the potential leading action movie actresses to play Parker's new accomplice..............
HMMMM DOES JAR JAR BINKS RING A BELL HERE!
AWWW....ME-SA DON"T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT!
SHUT UP you silly fucker! I regret the day George Lucas ever squirted you out of his ass.
At least in the 1999 Parker version of Payback Maria was assisting Porter in the heist of the Mob Boss's son in order to lure him out into the open. Now that's a woman with guts , courage, and conviction. That a girl Maria you're alright in my book
The rest of the bad guys do very little to heighten the story other than the fact that they're treated as human targets for Parker to blast his way back to HIS BOYS! YEEEEEEEEEEEE HAW!
Speaking of Michael Chiklis what the heck happened to him here? Here was a guy who starred on The Shield , winner of 2 Golden Globes, 12 wins, and 14 nominations and the best he can do here is utter poor lines that match him and his Grade School Croonies.
During the beginning of the movie so much emphasis was placed on Parker's girlfriend Claire played by Emma Claire
and his relationship to her father played by Nick Nolte that by the end of the second half they meant very little to the story. What was even more confusing was how the Chicago Mafia somehow honed in on Clarie's location without Parker revealing anything as to her whereabouts to anyone.
Then she escapes but manages to reappear like magic to confront Leslie and Parker . Other than the fact that she is Parker's sweet, down home , girl next door, she offers nothing to the story .
What about the douchebag cop played by Bobby Cannavale
whose cocky, foul-mouthed, perverted attitude serve him purpose and strength as Gyp Rossetti, Mob Enforcer in HBO's newest hit series Boardwalk Empire
So with all this madness running around it basically leaves the bad guys wide out in the open planning an even bigger heist on a much grander scale that require much more delicate timing and coordination. So if they are that slick we even bother to have a Parker around. Why go through this trouble to have him clipped when you guys seem to be doing find on your own? Why bother filming this movie? You would think the loss of one experienced heist man would leave them struggling in executing out this heist.
NO, NOT THEM because somehow the AMAZING I DON"T KNOW HOW THEY DID IT Brothers escape with the loot unharmed and uncaught.
Eventually Parker finds them, hunts them one by one, bang, bang, knock'em dead and OUR faithful avenger runs home with the game show prize.
Does this have the makings of an action movie or a typical storyline from a XBOX 360 action video game? You make the call .
Otherwise this movie is poorly directed, predictable, and would have been better off made in the early 2000s coming off the success of Mel Gibon's 1999 version of Parker in Payback
After reading this and considering you've seen all or maybe you've seen just two of these renditions of Parker which ones are your favorites.
Is it Point Blank
2. Payback
3. Parker
You decide and let me know ! Until next time I'll see you at the movies!
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